Thursday, June 30, 2011

Tuesdays with Maury (Povich)

Last night I was laying in bed and, as often is the case, I had a random and funny thought that came from who knows where. Anyway, I thought I should write a book entitled Tuesdays with Maury in which an 30-something unemployed man spends every Tuesday for a year watching The Maury Povich Show learning lessons of unrequited love, DNA testing, betrayal, and conflict management. In the end the main character learns that being a father is more than simply passing a paternity test. That got me thinking that it would be funny to write a bunch of books using titles with a homophone replacing one of the words and changing the whole tenor of the book. Here's some of my examples:

Lei Miserables - Many people think that leis are the joyful symbol of arriving in Hawaii, but there is a dark underbelly of the lei industry. This novel follows the lives, joys, and travails of the workers in a Maui lei manufacturing plant who work long hours for little pay to scrape by in what is considered by visitors to be an earthly paradise. It was also be turned into a musical with hit songs including "Lovely Lei-dies," "Drink with Me to Leis Gone By," "At the End of the Lei," and the hit blockbuster "I Dreamed a Seam," where the lead woman sings about her aspirations to rise from the low rungs of the lei industry to head seamstress at the local textile factory.
Thyme to Kill - A novel documenting one man's attempt to use thyme as his sole seasoning on his food for one year. His discoveries and mishaps along the way make it a must for both foodies and fast foodies alike. Think Supersize Me with a gardening twist.
Angels and D.Min.'s. - Two pastors race through the streets of Rome following a trail of murderous clues in hopes of finally earning their Doctors' of Ministry degrees. Who will win? The papists? The Illuminati? The local pastors?
Are You Their God? It's Me, Margaret - A young Christian girl attempts to understand other faiths by asking if the God she serves is also the God that Muslims and Jews serve. God appears to answer in the title, "It's Me, Margaret." (sorry, this one is a stretch, but I really like it. (the original is Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret - but doesn't it seem by the change in title from a hypothetical question posed only by Margaret to a discussion between Margaret and God?).
The Son Also Rises - Hemingway's sequel finally embraces the Christian tenet of resurrection.
A Christmas Carrel - One special carrel in a Chicago Public Library transports the unsuspecting studier into the world of Christmas's past, present, and yet-to-come in order to help them reconcile with others and start living their own lives to the fullest before it's too late.

Well, I refuse to spend any more of my time thinking about this, and I really can't believe I did it in the first place.


  1. I think Lei Mis has the most potential.
    I also think you are a dork.

  2. Wasn't trying to remain anonymous. I'm being punished for being sassy.

  3. Nerdy and yet...incredibly awesome! My personal favorite being the musical version of Lei Mis.