Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Crazy Dreams, Chicago, and Etiquette

Last night I dreamt that I was stuck in some type of circular cage/prison, a bit like those cages at circuses that motorcycles drive around in except with more rusted iron, and there was a huge troll and this slowly descending giant screw that was eventually going to kill a prisoner chained underneath. It seemed inevitable until I suddenly remembered that I was a wizard, and Hermione and Ron showed up on my right and left (was I Harry Potter? I'm not sure. Either way, dream come true.). First, we took care of the screw by lassoing the troll into it with threads that shot from our wands, causing the screw to rip from its moorings and crash down (leaving the prisoner unharmed). Then, with my reminder to hit the troll in the head where it's most vulnerable, we all cried, "STUPIFY!" and took care of the troll. The remainder of the dream was spent trying to get off of the compound (Malfoy Manor?). At one point, I passed a bunch of kids (probably Slytherins) playing some outdoor game during a gym class, and I tried to stupify the professor, but I missed. Then, one girl from the sidelines  (who was actually fellow Hermantown-ian Sarah Miller - but she's definitely a Ravenclaw or a Hermione-like Gryffindor, not a Slytherin) yelled, "Someone's cheating out here! They're trying to stupify  the opponents!" So, apparently my dreams are really bad fan fiction, but I'm okay with it.

Sometimes you get excited when the 1905 Methodist hymnal comes in the mail, and then you reflect on your life and the choices you've made to get to this point and wonder at the trajectory.

All I'm going to say is Chicago better get this out of its system before Friday. If my flight gets cancelled, I'm going to be one unhappy camper (picture me in sweatpants and a worn out t-shirt sitting on my bed with a cheap cupcake with a single candle singing "Happy Birthday to Me" in a creepily monotone melody with my eyes staring unfocused at the wall). Also, while I haven't been impacted thus far by the sequestration debacle, if that screws up my flight, I'm going to go on the political warpath (by which I obviously mean writing snarky facebook posts about the incompetence of the government. You know, a real grassroots movement).

26 days until opening day! Once we're into baseball's regular season, that to me is the surest sign of spring and the promise of summer. I'm not holding my breath about the Twins this year. They're rotation is filled with the injured or recently recovered, and most of the pitchers you would think play for the Twins are pitching in Chicago (Baker, Liriano, Garza). It could be another long year for the Twinkies.

What I could use help with is the related "two sets of doors/bless you" etiquette. Let me explain. When I come to a set of doors with another set of doors right after them, am I required to hold the door open at both sets? Also, if someone does it for me, should I say thank you at both doors? Wait for the second one? Do only the first? Is it rude to open the door for the person, they then return the favor and open the door for you at the second door, and then you take a spot closer to the front of a line (like at a Chipotle, for example) looking like you set the whole thing up? How far back does a person need to be behind you to not feel obligated to hold the door open behind you? I don't know what to do. Sneezing is basically the same. Do you wait for the last sneeze to say bless you? What if they only sneeze once but act like they're going to sneeze again? How about serial sneezers (I'm looking at you, Elsa Johnson)? I had a teacher in high school who banned "Bless you's" from being said in his classroom. He was also the teacher who would randomly throw a candy bar (he was the softball coach, and they were constantly selling candy bars) into the middle of the classroom, and whoever came out with the candy bar got it. It was a battle royale/no-holds-barred/Hunger Games-type experience that turned friend against friend, family member against family member, and formed unlikely alliances - all in a game he termed the "hustle drill." He loved to witness people competing with their whole being in the achievement of any goal, no matter how trivial.

Tonight I will be watching the Wild vs. Blackhawks game. I'm hoping that I can find an establishment that will show the game so I can watch it amongst other human beings. We'll see if that can actually happen. Okay, time to go. Later.