Thursday, March 10, 2011

Last Tests, Loose Pants, and Crosswalks

Well, I'm currently sitting at home with my left hand in a bucket of ice water after my LAST SEMINARY TEST in Covenant History and Theology! It was a blue-booker, so I dutifully scribbled as much as I could before the time expired and the jaws of life were brought in to pry my cramping hand off the pen. I mean, this does all hinge on history professor Phil Anderson continuing his long-held and beautiful tradition of granting seniors who are graduating a reprieve from the final. However, as a history teacher who must appreciate tradition, I think he'll keep it up.

So, do you ever find yourself feeling skinny and then realize, "Oh, my pants are loose because I haven't washed them in a couple weeks (for some of you, this could be months)." You instantaneously go from thinking you're skinny to thinking you're dirty...not exactly a great morale booster.

One thing I don't understand (among many): why do they have crossing guards at major intersections that have lights? On the way to school today, there was a crossing guard at Ashland and Montrose directing walkers to walk when the streetlight said, "WALK." Isn't that the point of an automated "walk/don't walk" sign? I don't get why this is necessary. Furthermore, as the crossing guard walked, she put her hands up in front of the cars who were already stopped at the red light to make sure they stopped. First of all, they're at a red light; they're not going anywhere. Second, if they were intent on running a red light and hitting pedestrians, your hand up in the air is not going to stop them.

Also, is it just me, or does it seem that they just cloned one woman (it always seems to be women) who performs all the crossing guard duties on the North Side? If not, there must be the following ad recruiting North Side Chicago crossing guards:
North Side Chicago seeking middle-aged (preferably in the upper regions) women who like layering to the point of near immobility to (wo)man the street crossings near elementary schools across the area. They must be friendly enough to chat amiably with all who come near them, but angry enough to turn into head-spinning, fire-breathing monster should any car not follow their directions--seriously, we want to hear screaming that could peel paint and cause eardrum damage. Also, must be willing to carry an oversized stop sign uselessly at your side (preferably not from the handle) while assisting school children cross the road. Preference given to heavy smokers.

For Lent this year, I decided to give up meat. So, I have successfully made it into my second day of vegetarianism, and I am already trying to figure out what to eat. I talked one of my vegetarian friends, Kelly Johnston, into going shopping with me to get the basics for meals. I'm telling you all of this not so much to say how awesome I am, but in order to add public shame to the list of reasons I need to stay on the herbivore wagon.

I'm going to watch some Seinfeld and maybe take a nap. Spring break has begun!


  1. You nailed with with the crossing guards around here. My jeans give me the same issues. Skinny one minute, dirty the next.

  2. I really love your job posting. Wow, giving up meat for Lent? I'm impressed.
    Also, I'm really jealous that you're on Spring Break. Oh, to be a student again...