Monday, November 12, 2012

This Week in Pretentious Things

So, on my re-occurring segment, Why Are You Being Pretentious? (okay, maybe this is the first edition of this re-occurring segment, but I stand by it), I'm going to tell you a few things that have been bothering me. Among other things, I'm going to go after two news sources I really enjoy, but who occasionally toe the pretentious line (or trample it underfoot):
1. NPR (Boston) - Love love love NPR. Anyone who broadcasts Garrison Keillor every Saturday will forever hold a special place in my heart (and speaking of this, I'm going to stream the show from this Saturday as I type!), not to mention the reporting without all the crazy rhetoric and finger-pointing. Anyway, this week they were sponsored by the upcoming motion picture Les Miserables (obvious excitement for this opening - that goes without saying), but instead of pronouncing it like most people - "Lei miserab" - we have to hear some lady who took a few French classes in college say, "And this week's shows are sponsored by the upcoming motion picture Lei MiserUAH," which included this nasal, throat-clearing French accent more akin to the crazy French chef in The Little Mermaid than anyone wanting to be taken seriously on Public Radio. We get it, Pierre; you speak French; CongratulatiUH!" (You have to read that with a similar French accent if it's going to be funny. I think this joke would work better in person, but I'm holed up reading books somewhere, so you'll have to make do with what you get).
2. Also, every once in a while I enjoy reading The New Yorker, but one think that I simply cannot abide   by is their use of the pretentious umlaut over the second of a repeated vowel in a word. So, they "coöperate" and "reëlect" instead of "cooperate" and "reelect" like the rest of us. I guess we wouldn't be able to decipher these words that we use everyday without the umlaut. Apparently, the mark is actually called "diaeresis," which just makes it even that much more pretentious. You can visit The New Yorker's website and read their explanation for this pretention yourself. I'm not buying it; kind of like I'm not buying that all your cartoons are funny and mean something. You know what clip I have to play:

3. Anytime you start arguing which Radiohead album is the best, you're right on that line.
4. Same goes for talking about certain chefs at highfalutin restaurants, unless its one of the cook at Diner Grill and you're ordering a slinger (which is hashbrowns, two cheeseburger patties, grilled onions, and two sunny-side eggs all with a few servings of chilli generously ladled over it).

Note how one side of the sign says, "Dinner Grill" while the other edits it to "Diner Grill," just to give you the option. This was less than a block away from my old apartment in Chicago.
5. Any discussion of craft beer that lasts over 5 minutes. I'm sorry; it's true...even when I am guilty of it.

The Vikings remembered that they are a football team this weekend (and Ponder recalled his history as a quarterback) and took it to the Lions again! You heard it here first: I think that Adrian Peterson guy is going to be quite the halfback in the National Football League!

Last night I went to Trader Joe's to pick up some food and the song "Groovin' (On a Sunday Afternoon)" came on, and I think just about every person in the store was whistling or singing along. It was kind of like this:

Maybe it was a little less choreographed, but not much.

Well, I have a German mid-term in and hour and a half, so I should probably sign off now. I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week. I have so much that needs to get done. My only consolation is knowing that Thanksgiving is extremely early this year, so I do have an extra week after to finish work before the semester ends. Okay, don't know why I added that part. Later!


  1. As I type this two co workers are debating which is the best Radiohead album so I have been chuckling for about 5 min now. Also I love the Diner, and may or may not have 5 certificates marking my successful consumption of a slinger.

  2. By Golly Elaine it's a Ziggy!

  3. I have so much to say.

    First of all, I just watched that episode of Seinfeld. "Do you?! Because it's not a normal complaint!"

    Secondly, the diner/dinner grill. Kyle has been dreaming about going there. You'll have to give him the scoop.

    And lastly, I got your text last night. We should catch up sometime!

  4. That diner/dinner grill is good and I've visited it on occasion. Never noticed the two spellings though! For your next installment about pretentious things, can you do one on students you encounter who think Rey know everything and are overly confident without a good reason to be? I feel like you could write that well and it would be hilarious.