Thursday, June 6, 2013

North Country Ramblings

Well, still waiting for my background check to go through. Stupid government bureaucracy trying to keep people safe. Next thing you know they'll be overreaching some more and fixing our roads, arresting criminals, and giving old people medical handouts. Just one more way Big Brother/Obama (they're synonyms) is ruining my life. In other news, it has been gloomy and cold here in Duluth, or, as the locals call it, June. I'm ready for the sun to come out one of these days so I can go up the North Shore and see this:

Or this:

While listening to show tunes and watching the Twins game on mute last night, I thought, "This probably isn't a common combination of evening activities." Speaking of which, the Twins have won 7 of their last 9 and have crawled up to third place. That's why you must always expect very little from MN sports so you can be pleasantly surprised at mediocrity. That's also the title of my memoir, Surprised by Mediocrity, hitting stores sometime next year if I can motivate myself. It will mainly be about my daily struggle to reach easily-achievable goals toward normal human functioning and then my immense pride at reaching them. For instance, today I'm going to shower and brush my teeth. Boom.

I'm sick of national ________ days. Yesterday someone said I needed to run because it's National Runner's Day. That's not anything. Seriously, these national and international days are getting out of control. I think today is National Catch Your Knee on the Corner of the Kitchen Cabinet and Swear in Front of Your Kids Day and tomorrow is National Eat Something You Left Too Long on the Counter Before Refrigerating and Hope That You Aren't Racked with Stomach Issues and the Sweats Day. Tomorrow could make for an interesting day.

Only 25 days until I make my triumphal return to Chicago! If you want to plan a small parade or strow (I'm guessing this is the present tense of "strewn," so I'm going with it) rose petals in my path, I will allow it. Seriously, I'm already coming up with a list of the restauran....I mean, the friends I want to see.

In other news, I've finished all the "fun" books I brought home to read during the summer, so if you have any good suggestions for novels I should read, I would love to hear them. If I don't hear anything in three days, it's a sign from God that I should re-read the Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings series. Also, in my new poll I am asking which of the Harry Potter books is your favorite. If you can't decide, you may vote for more than one. You're welcome.

Yesterday (or the day before), Stephen Colbert said farewell to Michele Bachmann with a tribute montage. Ah, Michele, we hardly understood ye.

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